Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Theres Never Enough Beer's 8 Guidelines To Dealing With 3rd World Prostitutes














It's said that prostitution is the world's oldest profession. I find it to be the most noble as well. It takes a strong woman to withstand the nightly pounding they call a job. Most adults in today's world tire after just a few rounds of intercourse, but not your seasoned whore. She can hump and bump till the sun comes up. 

THE GUIDELINES:

1. Look for trash not class. Check back alleys and areas around dumpsters, this is where you will find your gem. Track marks, sunken eyes, and aging are all a plus. Your goal is to find that hidden gem with years of experience in the business. Nothing screams sexual excellence like a seasoned hooker.

2. Always check for visible STD's. Herpes,  yellow skin pigment (Hepatitis), yadda yadda yadda.... BORING.

3. Make sure she's a SHE, there is nothing worse than accidental gay sex. Look for an adam's apple, large hands, and vaginal wetness. Any irregularities could be signs that she is actually a cock wielding faker. Like Jamie Lee Curtis.

















4. They are hookers not humans. If she gets out of line don't be afraid to smack her around a bit. A black eye or busted lip can do wonders when shaping her up.

Note: Going full retard is never acceptable, even for a third world sex worker. With this being said avoid heavy objects as blunt force trauma can cause severe brain damage.

5. Whatever she says she costs, tell her you'll pay half. Begger's cant be chooser's. If she gives you any lip see rule four. ^^^^

6. Vaginal intercourse is so 2009. Feel free to experiment, remember shes a hooker not a human.

7. If you must, erotic asphyxiation is the way to go. Its quick, doesn't make a mess, and totally looks like an accident. Just remember to properly and creatively dispose of the body. There is nothing more cliche then another dead hooker in a dumpster story.

and last but not least...

8. Remember to have fun! Your in another country and your so totally getting laid!

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