Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sunday Thoughts




Magic Johnson had AIDS. Excuse me, HIV. Freddy Mercury had it to. He also had a fetish for sodomizing young Thai boys. To all the Queen fans out there, every time you bought a Queen album you funded Freddy's sexual escapades into Thailand. How dare you fund the exploitation of prepubescent Thai boys! You probably voted for George Bush too ughh.

Cigarettes are fucking cool. Why else would they be called popular sticks. Johnny Depp smokes them and he is Peoples sexiest man alive. Even Obama puffs a grit every now and then. Preferably menthols I presume. Everyone knows that African American's always start the coolest trends. Take sagging your pants or crack cocaine for example. Where would Amy Winehouse or Kate Moss be without Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. Whats really important though is that you go down to the liquor store immediately and buy yourself a big time pack of cigarettes. Take two out and put one behind your ear and let the other dangle from your mouth  then light that shit up and let the coolness take care of itself.

Reef sponsors Alana Blanchard. This is great. Now for the rest of her surfing career we will be blessed with the best ass shots the surfing industry has to offer. Keep those forehand bottom turns coming!

Dennis Rodman loves to party. So does Tiger Woods. But Magic Johnson has the BEST T-cell count.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

2 Live Crew

These dudes are on the top of my list for favorite groups of all time. Mostly because they do shit like this on national TV. Check the audience.


A few more words
They almost got banned in Florida in the early 90's for being to lewd. However they took their case to court and won on the grounds of free speech. What did they call there next album? Banned in the USA.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Theres Never Enough Beer's 8 Guidelines To Dealing With 3rd World Prostitutes














It's said that prostitution is the world's oldest profession. I find it to be the most noble as well. It takes a strong woman to withstand the nightly pounding they call a job. Most adults in today's world tire after just a few rounds of intercourse, but not your seasoned whore. She can hump and bump till the sun comes up. 

THE GUIDELINES:

1. Look for trash not class. Check back alleys and areas around dumpsters, this is where you will find your gem. Track marks, sunken eyes, and aging are all a plus. Your goal is to find that hidden gem with years of experience in the business. Nothing screams sexual excellence like a seasoned hooker.

2. Always check for visible STD's. Herpes,  yellow skin pigment (Hepatitis), yadda yadda yadda.... BORING.

3. Make sure she's a SHE, there is nothing worse than accidental gay sex. Look for an adam's apple, large hands, and vaginal wetness. Any irregularities could be signs that she is actually a cock wielding faker. Like Jamie Lee Curtis.

















4. They are hookers not humans. If she gets out of line don't be afraid to smack her around a bit. A black eye or busted lip can do wonders when shaping her up.

Note: Going full retard is never acceptable, even for a third world sex worker. With this being said avoid heavy objects as blunt force trauma can cause severe brain damage.

5. Whatever she says she costs, tell her you'll pay half. Begger's cant be chooser's. If she gives you any lip see rule four. ^^^^

6. Vaginal intercourse is so 2009. Feel free to experiment, remember shes a hooker not a human.

7. If you must, erotic asphyxiation is the way to go. Its quick, doesn't make a mess, and totally looks like an accident. Just remember to properly and creatively dispose of the body. There is nothing more cliche then another dead hooker in a dumpster story.

and last but not least...

8. Remember to have fun! Your in another country and your so totally getting laid!

The Revolution will be Audible

Everyone will remember today. Today is the day the hip hop industrys first all white mix tape was dropped. Dirt Nasty has released "The White Album," feast your ears upon this....

Download it hizzere

Monday, March 22, 2010

LazERTITS

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Gilligan Lays it Down



You tell em Gilligan

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Splifter: Part One




THE SPLIFTER: PART ONE...


The year is 2008. A home in Moreno Valley has just been forclosed upon, an underage girl in Thailand raped, yet meanwhile on a remote Micronesian island one man waits.

He sits at the waters edge with his legs crossed and back to the islands dense jungle looking East as the sun rises over the warm pacific ocean. 100 meters off shore waves barrel across a shallow coral reef. He is alone on this island.

Back home they will say he is running from something, but he knows why he has come. He finds himself here on a personal quest, his own right of passage. He's searching for that one perfect ride....

As he sits on the beach he debates paddling out. Tides to low, winds a bit too Northerly.

"Faccckkkkk." he says to himself.

At this he reaches into the right pocket of his Volcom board shorts and retrieves a pack of Bali Shag rolling tobacco. He removes a paper and cups it between his thumb and forefinger.

Another perfect left barrels over the reef.

He reaches back into his pocket and pulls out a ziploc bag full of Indonesia's finest Kush. He prefers Kush as it helps him relax when life gets eggy. He removes three leafy nugs from the bag and places them inside his Bali Shag paper. He doesnt bother to break them up, it is early in the morning. He then roughly places the fine Dutch tobacco in the paper along side his three nugs. He uses his tanned delicate fingers to tightly roll the paper licking and sealing it once acheiving the desired form. He stares a moment and admires his work, not many people can roll a splee like he can.

As perfect 6-8 foot waves peel in the distance he stands and smokes his spliff. Sometimes he hits nug, sometimes just tobacco. But here on this island, there are no worries.

He grabs his board under his left arm and takes three steps toward the water. He then takes the last drag of his splee and exhales....

"Faaaaccckkkkkk." He says. "Over it."

At this he sits back down and reaches into the pocket of his boardshorts for the Bali Shag and fine Indonesian Kush......


TO BE CONTINUED.....

-CE

Ho Bruddah!! Da BOYZ!

an old clip of all the homies gettin' creepy down by the river.


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Bit o EnTertainment

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Space age Bachelor Pad Music

Et Musique Pour Tous

This video pretty much explains the Et Musique Pour Tous corporate strategy, Make The Girl Dance. Cheers.



DERBY DAZED

clayton, chz, and nokes get back to their roots at one of the world's first skateparks, infamous derby park.

ALOHA TOOB VIBES

a "cruising at home" clip from clay marzo. damn hawaiians get way too toobed.

Clay Marzo - Creator of the World from Heavy Mayo on Vimeo.

Friday, March 12, 2010

MYSTO NUG

The New Ghostfingers CHRONicles





    Two young men. Some might even say boys. They pulled up in a shiny black Tundra, eyes empty behind large sunglasses, mouths agape in simpleton laughter. The driver opened his door and hopped out, and the passenger followed soon after. They left the parking lot and entered the foliage.

    The path was dark. In spite of the exuberant greenery, and in spite of the ethereal halos of sunlight tunneling through the canopy like great worms of light, it was dark. An eeriness existed there in that forest path, a gloom that pervaded the musty air in perpetual repudiation of the day. Not that these young men could see it, or even sense it. Nevertheless, it was there.
    They pressed on. A lugubrious, jungle silence was all they could hear, and the deep green verdure trembled in the stillness. The ocean soon came into view, and they saw waves breaking. The passenger carefully avoided a low hanging vine as not to dirty his brightly colored LRG t shirt. They smiled, and laughed to one another as they neared the beach.

    "Ah dude it looks sick out there."
    "Yah, dude, look at that left, it looks like Pipeline."
     "I can’t wait to try my new Quiksilver wetsuit out. It’s a four-three, perfect for colder days like this."

    The path emptied onto the empty beach and they watched the waves break onto the shallow reef. They stood on the head of the point and a thick tangle of trees lined the coast for a distance in either direction. They laughed and watched the waves for a small while. They were not alone.    

    "Dude this beach is sick, I can’t believe no one is here. We should totally set up a volleyball court right here. Oh, look at that left dude."
    "Shit it looks fun out there. Lets grab our quad fishes and get out there."

    They turned and headed back from whence they came. The excited young men quickened their pace as they trotted the path. They took no notice of the jungle whispers. They could not hear its warnings. It was dark, and they were not alone.
    The driver ducked under a low hanging vine, as not to dirty his brightly colored Active t shirt. The other did the same. In a short while they exited the forest and set foot back on the cement of the parking lot. They made their way to the shiny black Tundra in the otherwise vacant lot.

    "Dude, it looks so sick out there- wait, you smell that?"
  
    The driver sniffed, and something like dread washed over him.

    "Yeah, I do."

    "That’s a mighty fine piece of equipment you got there. A right pretty automobile."

    They turned to where the voice came, and there stood a figure, not five paces behind them. A rickety straw hat tilted down and pulled low, a haggard Hawaiian shirt wrought with stains of blood or barbeque sauce or both. Black jeans and relatively clean bare feet. This strange man took a drag of his spliff, and smoke seeped out of his nostrils like a ghostly hand.
     The boys backed towards the truck slowly, uneasily, unsure of what to make of this stranger or his comment. The driver tried to speak.

    "Thanks. My dad, like, owns this dealership, so--"
    "Yep, that there’s a top rate automobile. A fella could sure to be proud to call somethin' like that his own."

    The stranger stepped to the car and peered inside the bed at the surfboards tied down. He looked up at them. They saw his eyes.

    "You boys mean to paddle out?"

    The young men didn’t know what to say. The smoky presence of this man seemed surreal in those fragile moments before fear came into sight.

    "Hey man, do you live around here? We were just driving north on the highway and thought we’d check it out. Dude, we’re from SD. What’s this place called, bro?"

    The man took one last drag of his spliff, and dropped it to the ground, where he stepped on it with the ball of his bare foot. His unflinching eyes rose from his feet and set a stubborn, steel gaze on the young men.

    "Ghostfingers."

    The stranger smiled, his eyes burned with pulsating intensity, and the word penetrated the air.

    "Ha, Ghost-fingers? That’s a weird name. Wonder why it’s called that."

    At this, the man reached into a haggard fold of his dirty Hawaiian shirt and produced a large knife. He looked at it quietly for a second, and turned it slowly in his hands. Without warning, he took one of the young men’s hands and brought the knife down hard, severing the fingers at the base with godlike speed and demoniacal fury. Blood splashed and sprayed and dirtied his brightly colored Activ t shirt.
    The second young man looked with horror and disbelief, took a few quaky steps back, then turned and ran to the forest. The first boy sank to his knees, staring incredulously at the four bloody wounds where used to be fingers.

    "Mister, please, my dad owns this dealership--"  
  
    "All who wander here shall know the name."

    Tears mingled with blood as screams rang into the air.

    The full moon hung low on this cloudless night, omniscient and disinterested. Every few seconds the waves roared like primal beasts held captive by the stillness of the peculiar beach, both bleak and beguiling in its calm. The naked and charred bodies of two young men hung limply from the palm tree and were teased by the night wind, and all the while a murder of crows feasted and filled their gullets on this bounty of flesh. Two young men. Some might even say boys. And on the trunk of the tree was etched but one name. And that name was Ghostfingers.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Cruisey Vibes Kid

Animated women turn me on


Record Makers Promo from CreativeApplications.Net on Vimeo.